I’ve
been thinking. Well that’s pretty much all i do all the time. But lately, i’ve
been doing some soul searching. I’m pretty much sick of being number two in
people’s lives. I used to be another girl, but recently I’ve made myself
priority. My mother believes I am self centred and ego driven. I’m not sure if
this is her honest feeling about me, because i can NEVER tell with my mother. I
also no longer waste my heart’s time on working her out. I love her. That’s enough.
I digress. I want to be number one for someone. I know who, and because i can’t
be, ill settle for number one with me. I’ve also decided lately that i need to
shut my mouth more often. It’s been working. Saying less crap is much better
for my head. It’s clearer. I learnt something recently, about the past twelve
months, and im glad someone filled me in on the truth. At this late stage it doesn’t
hurt anymore, but damn, i was blind. I guess that’s what life is about right?
Learning. Im so much better at working people out these days, thanks to what i’ve
been through. I can, however, proudly say i regret nothing I’ve done in my
past. I’ve been a kid for a good 90% of my time being alive, so i need to chill
a bit, and let go of the regret. I’m blessed with some very good friends. If i
was to die right now, heaven forbid, i know i would be missed, BECAUSE i have
worked to have people around me. God did not put us on this earth to be alone.
We are not solitary creatures.
In conclusion, i know what my heart wants. Its made it pretty clear. i know what you want too. and it is to be with me, no matter what your head says. but thats just being self centred now. I just know if we're meant to be we'll happen.
peace xx
